Are You Being Passive Aggressive with God?

passive-agressive-spiritually.jpgLook I am not a great writer, and this blog is just some random thoughts God has been sharing with me.  So bare with my inadequate writing and just look for the meaning of the message I am trying to convey.  For those of you have been following my blogs over the last 2 years, you may have noticed a slight change in the makeup of my entries.  Two years ago most of the entries were about what God was doing in me and the way He was refining me.  Over the last two years those have faded to the occasional post, to more post about “non-God” related topics. 

I have been struggling through a pretty dry season in my relationship with God over the two year period.  I am sure most of that is my fault, but I do believe that God does allow for periods like this.  Not that He is not there, but the nature of how He may reveal Himself may be different. 

What I believe God has shown me lately is that during this time I have been being passive-aggressive with Him.  Passive aggressive is defined as below:

Passive Aggressive (adj.) Of, relating to, or having a personality disorder characterized by habitual passive resistance to demands for adequate performance in occupational or social situations, as by procrastination, stubbornness, sullenness, and inefficiency.Covert (adj.) Not openly shown, engaged in, or avowed : VEILED

A passive-aggressive person is someone with an unhealthy underlying aggression that expresses itself in covert ways. I believe I have had a passive resistance to performing in my spiritual relationship as I should. I spoke of this in a different way during my testimony video and discussed not being “spiritually lazy”. Over the past two years, I would not say I have been spiritually lazy, but passive aggressive in my approach to God. I have spent my time disguising my anger and frustration toward Him, and until recently did not even know it exists.

I do not have time in this entry to get into the background of what has lead to some of the anger and frustration, but it is not necessarily isolated to one thing. Through my passive aggressive behavior toward God, I have been avoiding critical elements in my spiritual life. They are:

-Finding time to spend with God daily
-Sharing God with other people
-Leading other people as Christ lead by serving us
-Loving other people

Notice 3 out of the 4 have to do with other people…not a strong suit of mine. I have, just as many of you probably have, are being passive aggressive and avoiding the list above. Whatever the source of my justification for being passive aggressive with God, it has no place in my life. I find myself having to sit down daily and do business with God and ask for forgiveness for my childish ways. Many organizations and ministries have been destroyed with passive aggressive behavior, individuals not willing to confront issues head on. They address them with “covert” actions that undermine the organization. The same is true for me, I am not dealing with the issue head on, yet I am choosing to destroy my daily relationship with God through “covert” actions that undermine my spiritual health.

Over the years I have prayed that God would be part of my day as I went about my business. I would literally say out loud during my prayer…”God I invite you to be part of my day today, I need You”. Sounds pretty good right, not so much. As I have realized during my passive aggressive stage, God does not deserve to be part of my day, he deserves to be ALL of my day. So over the last month or two, my prayer out loud now is…”God I invite you to be my day, I need you”

I will leave with this thought…the last 18 months have been rough, nothing like the spiritual highs I experienced through the first 3 years after coming to know Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Whether this was God’s plan for me, or whether I interjected a bit of my own will in my circumstances is not clear to me. However, I do know that God is here, God still has my best interest at heart, God still loves me, God still has a plan for me and God said he would NEVER leave me. AND THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH THAT I CLING TO THROUGH ALL OF THIS, IS THOSE STATEMENTS ARE TRUE EVEN WHEN I WAS THE ONE WHO SCREWED IT UP.

May 10, 2010 · Filed Under Devotionals, Misc

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