Caught in the Middle

devotionalwidget.jpgAs a Christian do you ever feel like you are caught in the middle?  Let me explain what I mean.  In your mind you want to live that passionate Christian life that God calls us to have, yet you’re still hanging on to some control that you just won’t or do not know how to let go of.  Maybe there is something in your life, an action or habit, that you are holding on to where God is saying…just turn it loose, give it over to me.  I often find myself in this type of situation where one side of my brain wants to jump in with both feet, and the other side is saying no, no, no.  I often go in spurts, where I have several “on fire” days for God only to be followed by an equal or larger amount of days with not wanting to or even spending much time with Him.  When I was not a Christ follower, I was not in the middle; all of my days had nothing to do with God.  Soon after I became a Christ follower, the weeks following were filled with being close to God, I wanted everything I did to be about God.  Too often, after those initial weeks after accepting Christ, I have and many others have experienced an emotional let down.  That is what I call “caught in the middle”.  You are somewhere between what you used to be and what you want to be.  Casting Crowns has a song called “Somewhere in the Middle”.  I have attached the words to this song at the very bottom of this posting for your review.  This song provoked me to write this blog and to look deeper at myself and why I do this “on/off” thing with God.

There are two conclusions I came to in writing this. The first is, am I willing to give up all control? The song has a line that says “But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle”. Am I, Ron, willing to trade my dreams for His? The truth I came to was, not yet. That sounds horrible, but it is the absolute truth when it is just Him and me having an honest conversation with each other. There is another line in the song that says “Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control”. That is my daily life. I say I am willing to give up control of situations right up to the point that I really have to give up ALL control. I am a very structured person and not having control of the situation or my day causes me great stress. So I still am learning what it means to “really” trust God and give Him control. This is much easier said then done.

The second conclusion I came to was that my ups and downs are not about how I feel. Too often I equate my interaction and time with God on how I am feeling. Most of the time I don’t “feel” like spending time with God because it was a long mentally draining day and I just want to relax without having to engage again. If I do spend time with Him, it is usually a quick prayer to say I did it for the day. How can I not spend time with Someone who gave their life for me? I heard Bill Hybels say once

“How many of us do our bare minimum for God, to try and minimize His displeasure with us. Are you doing just enough to get by? Is this hurtful to God?”

That is exactly what I am doing when I throw up a prayer at night: the bare minimum to get by, not to incur His displeasure. Bill Hybels then went on to say:
“Better to offer God no lamb at all, then to have you offer Him a blemished lamb. We are better off giving nothing at all to God if we are not going to give our very best of their time, talent and treasures to God. He does not want our left over scraps at the end of the day. He wants your best or nothing at all.”

Bottom-line, I cannot base my relationship with God on how I feel. It has been proven in me, if I do that, then God will get the bare minimum time He deserves and that is not what He wants. Just like a human love relationship, Love is not a feeling but a verb. Our relationship with God is not a feeling, but a verb…action on my part.
In closing, I am praying about trusting God more and turning over control as well as learning to be obedient and spending more time with Him even when I don’t always feel like it.

Here are the words to the Casting Crowns song – Somewhere in the Middle

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You’re by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle

March 7, 2008 · Filed Under Devotionals, Misc

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