Dealing with a Narcissistic Boss
Narcissistic Personality: a personality disorder characterized by extreme self-centeredness and self-absorption, fantasies involving unrealistic goals, an excessive need for attention and admiration, and disturbed interpersonal relationships.
Steven Demaio wrote and great post, “Leading When You Don’t Have Formal Authority”, In that post he talks about three principles. The one I liked the most and so often see is…
Demonstrate excellence without being cocky or solicitous of approval. “Bearing the burden of someone else’s ego is always a turn-off, whether the ego is already big or in need of puffing up. When an ego-driven person is your direct manager, you just hold your nose and do your best to perform in spite of the stench… Needy leaders are rarely inspiring.”
Just as an FYI to you…this is a problem that isn’t going to resolve itself, as vanity (excessive pride in one’s self, qualities, abilities, achievements) is rewarded in our society. Your ego driven boss is probably getting support from every one of his/her supervisors for this kind of behavior.
However, God intended leading to be done in a manner that expresses love to others, and which builds them up, rather than tearing them down. In God’s sight, neither the one leading, nor the one being led, is to be treated as better than, or inferior to the other. Both are equally important.
I don’t have a solution for you…the only thing I can say is pray for your boss.
“A boss creates fear, a leader confidence. A boss fixes blame, a leader corrects mistakes. A boss knows all, a leader asks questions. A boss makes work drudgery, a leader makes it interesting. A boss is interested in himself or herself, a leader is interested in the group.”
– Russell H. Ewing
Narcissistic personality characteristics…typically when you see someone with low self-esteem covered-up by a grandiose presentation, you could suspect a narcissistic personality. These are the characteristics to look for:
- Rigid, inflexible thinking
- Cannot be wrong
- Arrogant, boastful and pretentious
- Aggressive responses to criticism
“Since the narcissist is incapable of asserting his or her own sense of adequacy, the narcissist seeks to be admired by others. However, the narcissist’s extremely fragile sense of self worth does not allow him or her to risk any criticism.”
References:
Steven Demaio
Burleson Consulting
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My N Boss seems to be worse with white women than black women or men (either race). He used to have 26 people report to him, now he has two women working for him as a result of restructuring. He will not include them in any meetings about policy/projects and will unwillingly share information presented in those meetings. Basically, he is in charge and the information he has gathered is “power”. He won’t share it. He forces people to listen to his political/morality views and if you voice an opinon different from his, you are subject to his tirades. I cannot stand working for him. He started out as a great person, but as I started getting recognition from management, he has become hyper-critical and verbally abusive to me. It’s time to leave.